I ain't living no long lonesome nights...

...i'll stop callin' that woman my wife. Yeah, that's a song i wish i could make a lyric in my life, but, alas...

So! The point of this post is manifold! It's possible i'm still a little drunk, so that's interesting. Basically, here's the deal: i've been feeling utterly happy for the past almost week, and i'd hate to jinx anything, but i'm guessing it's thanks to lovely old Abilify, and i like it. As Alex would say, i'm totally Abilified right now.

i find that nothing in the world compares to happiness. There's no panic here, as with past happinesses...just, happy. it's strange how when you finally feel good, almost all the old pain is simply a memory, and that's it. If i weren't feeling so darn good, I guess i'd feel sort of cheated by the past or something...no, I know that I do, actually...I know that that pain was real, and for it to disappear this simply...jesus...

What a ripoff.

Just kidding! Like i said--too good a mood. Basically--and, again, like i said, this all seems too early to say, but i'll say it--i feel like once you get to a point of what you feel is happiness, or acceptance of things and your life and yourself, it's all over...all the past, all the pain. That's simplistic, sorry. It seems too good to be true, but nothing else...no resentment, just a feeling of being so lucky. I'm sure you'll be reading about more bad days and bad feelings, but this is the best i've felt in, i don't know, my whole life, maybe? So let's just go with it for now. I am going to make an appointment this morning to see a therapist, because obviously that's still extremely important, but, for now, let's just soak in the happiness.

Called therapists. Hopefully they call me back.

Also, this post is an apology to everyone i know. If you love me, you have probably been hurt by how sad i've been...not hurt by me, i know, but hurt by watching how unhappy i am and not being able to help me. I'm sorry for doing that to you. I'm trying to right things, the best way i can. I'm trying more than i've ever tried in the past, so that's something, at least. Thank you for being there for me, always.

Ready to stop living those long, lonesome nights. We're gonna be all right, all right...in those dark places.